I am a single parent, confirmed by the judge on Wednesday. Of course, the was-band is still the sperm donor, however, given his unwillingness to provide sustenance and support, I classify myself as a single parent. Initially, this realization creates a sense of panic when I realize I am solely responsible for this child of my heart. How will I manage? How will I find the strength to address all the little issues of life, like finding toothpaste or where socks go in the wash? How can I support a Pumpkin Soy Latte habit on a Perked at Home budget? The order from the court seems overwhelming until I realize I have been a single parent for ten years. The order from the court is merely a legal recognition of fact.
We arrived at this point after ten years of wrangling over responsibilities accepted and ignored. Entering the foreign courtroom is reminiscent of previous court appearances with one exception. This is my final appearance. I let go of the need to explain, the need to convince and the need to force responsibility. He is a deadbeat and I am not. He is unwilling to provide, to love and cherish. I am not. I have succeeded, created adult relationships with my children. I move toward the future free from the narcissism, the greed, the felonious behavior. Whatever he decides to do, whether he follows the order or not, I know I am a single parent. I am blessed.
There is no longer panic when I realize I can savor the acceptance to college, the high school graduation with honors, and her move to college. I can enjoy the thrill of her first job, apartment and success. I can cherish the young couple finding their way in marriage. I know they are ready.
I am a single parent and life is good.